You know those times in life when you find yourself in the midst of having a wee crisis of identity. For some reason or another there is cause to overthink everything and therefore doubt your very existence. This can lead to thinking all sorts of ridiculous things, like maybe who we are isn't enough, we need to be more. Confident, tougher, harden our exterior, all this just to fit in to this crazy world. So off we go, false bravado intact and we try things that we would never normally would do just to prove something to ourselves or even occasionally to other
It seems I myself, regularly like putting myself in these uncomfortable situations just for the growth – she says while banging her head against a brick wall. Insert laugh emoji - I am only joking. Well sort of.
So anyway, you do these things that you think you need to do, and it tends to go either of 2 ways – we grow, we are supported, we find out we have some pretty neat skills that we never knew we had and totally own the experience, or it can cause us to doubt ourselves even further and reinforce the fact that we just don’t fit inside the box like the rest of the world. (that’s the way it feels anyway, the trauma of the experience usually leads to over dramatizing things at this point) And the latter, my friends is usually what happens to me, insert another laughing emoji because I tend to prefer the use of humour in these situations. In fact, sharing said experiences over wine with a friend and belly laughing about it is the best medicine.
The way forward in these situations is to take the so-called failure and flip it – if we can laugh at and celebrate the things that don’t fit us, we use it as a catalyst to move towards the things that do inspire and motivate us, which is the point of life right. And then we can congratulate ourselves for trying something that was so far out of our comfort zone that we grew anyway.
Infact for me, sometimes these interesting experiences can leave me feeling the strongest, well maybe after the initial mortification! There is strength in the ability to trust myself to know what is right for me. And when I don't fit somewhere. I can walk away feeling empowered by it, because I know myself and respect myself too much to push through something that feels off. And at least I tried.
But seriously it's so easy to get brainwashed by all of the bullshit floating around, frustratingly so. The majority of the population places value in all the wrong things. I am most definitely not a hustler; I despise the rushing and ‘being busy’ culture. I'm not an outward force to be reckoned with, I actually dislike the modern age - often wishing I had been born a very long time ago. And still I doubt myself because I read too much. So, I must be reminded – usually by doing the very thing I don’t want to do – that yes, I do want slow, I want to work with nature not against it. I don’t want to sell my soul to fit in. I am gentle, sensitive, soft, and feminine and happy in my own skin. I don’t feel the need to push or stand out in a crowd and I don’t have to change into someone I am not just to be accepted or fit in. And most especially, I should never be made to feel less than for being me. I would rather be alone and that is ok. Maybe I am strong in ways that others don’t have to be, but I don’t need to prove that to anyone, I just need to keep being me. You will like me and relate to me, or you won't. And if you do well hi, welcome, you are my people. And if you don't then please choose to keep your thoughts and judgements to yourself. They are not mine to carry.
So, tell me friends.....who are you, what makes your soul sing, what speaks to you, I want to know. If you take the time to read my rambling's, thank you, I feel we have already connected, and I want to know you too. x
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