There comes a point in life where we cannot go back, in a seemingly fleeting moment, the road that led you here has disappeared. You have a sinking feeling that things will never be the same. Something new is now calling you forward
You can feel it... Change is coming, and while once was is no longer and what will be is not yet here, it is time to release the past to the wind with wild abandon for the chance to begin again. Courage is needed and a whole lot of self-love and compassion.
I have spent the past few weeks choosing me. nourishing and loving myself first. I won't lie, it didn't come easy, it was a rather peculiar feeling at first. It felt like I was wasting time, my mind whispered you should be doing something more productive like dealing to that pile of washing over in the corner. Choosing to tell those thoughts to go away, I have been taking myself on a journey of self-discovery instead. I am starting to feel liberated and most importantly, I feel free.
A turning point in my journey was a reiki healing session with Hayley from Hayley Summer Soul Gifts. It was an experience that has changed me irrevocably. She used her beautiful gift to unblock me and suddenly I could feel my energy flowing freely through my body again. The tightness is my chest subsided and I could breath again. My outlook on the world was renewed and I felt free to finally begin moving forward instead of round in circles.
Slowly I began to go on adventures, obviously first and foremost I am a mother so it's really not time for me to do anything too drastic just yet, but let's just say that I have started living for me again.
My girls and I spent a week at Pukehina beach for my birthday. It was so simple, just breathing in the salty air. letting the rhythmic waves relax our senses, long walks on the sand, yoga and meditation. It is important to me that I teach my girls the importance of self-care and being present. To give them the tools to find calm within themselves in this crazy world.
I returned to the Karangahake Gorge, a place where I spent a lot of my childhood and a place that has always spoken to me. It is part of my history as once upon a time my ancestors mined for gold there. I feel it as soon as I drive into the gorge, the power of the water, the hills rising up around me, the whispers in the breeze. I know it means something. Is it in my DNA, does part of me belong here?
Walking has become my biggest vice, Bush or beach in equal measure. I am thoroughly addicted to being outside exploring nature, putting one foot in front of the other, inhaling the fresh earthiness and letting my thoughts flow through my mind. Learning to observe them as they pass by, to not always have to find meaning in them. to just let go. There in itself lies the most important tool for happiness. You get to choose your thoughts, do not give your thoughts the power to choose.
My next challenge was to push myself out of my comfort zone, I am very introverted. I tend to shy away from group activities so it was time to go to a group Yoga night. My bestie and I went to one called Pints and Poses at The Mata Brewery in Whakatane, yes so maybe I cheated a little as having a drink beforehand and during the session relaxed me somewhat! But hey! It was a good place to start, and I now feel more confident to try new things. I am actually really keen to join a tramping group if I can find one locally.
I feel myself rising like the sun in the morning, coming out of the darkness and shining a light on my world, feeling full of energy, delight, confidence and warmth. Dare I say excitement at the endless possibilities that may arise. My world is suddenly a blank canvas that I get to paint.
I even took myself on a date last night. Just me, I went out for dinner, had a glass of wine and really enjoyed the food alone and I am ok. Better than ok. I am happy.
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