I started this year with a burst of optimism and a sense of freedom. I was celebrating! I embraced the lessons and made some big changes in my life. Maybe I was a little too self-righteous because I was leaving behind what no longer served me and embarking on a new path of self-renewal. I was ready to take on the world, to follow my vision, to live my truth. But then, the universe was like actually… No girlfriend! You aren’t done yet! And something unexpected happened. I fell down the rabbit hole, and I found myself face to face with the deepest, darkest parts of myself. And I got stuck there, for a long time. I felt frustrated and confused, wondering why I couldn’t move forward because I had already done the work, I thought I knew who I was, but I realized there was still so much more to discover about myself and about life. I learned that words are not enough, that actions speak louder than intentions and that alignment is the key to authenticity.
Down the rabbit hole I went, plunging into the depths of myself, facing myself in the mirror, wondering how I became so broken. Then I realized that I was not broken, I was actually connecting to a deeper source, one that holds the wisdom of the dark, and with the moon and the stars as my guiding lights I found my way home to myself. I learned that the darkness in me is not something to fight, but something to embrace.
I came across the term rewilding recently and I fell in love with the whole concept. Because that’s what I’m doing, I’m rewilding myself. I’m returning to the wisdom of my soul’s purpose, to my voice and I am learning to trust myself. I’m not healing by fixing the wounds, I’m healing by making peace with them and I am allowing them to make me stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.
We all have our own unique journey here on earth, and at some point, we will all have to face the deepest parts of ourselves. Those of you already on this path know it’s not easy but it’s worth it. Because what emerges on the other side is the butterfly, beautiful and free, even if a little less naive and innocent. It’s always your call to make and I know that while I chose this path, not everyone will. Some people prefer to stay safe and comfortable, and that’s okay too. There is value in every choice, as long as it’s yours. One of the most important aspects of this journey for me is the realisation that as the divine feminine we are here to hold space for one another no matter what our path looks like, so that our light can collectively continue to grow. And if you are lucky enough to find your tribe then your life is a rich one indeed.
I have also come to understand that most of my wounds come from the way men have treated me or to take my own accountability, the way I have allowed them to treat me. I understand I have a wall up there now and I find it hard to trust. My self-preservation game is strong and therefore there is still work to be done.
As women, we have been taught to fear the night within our souls. But this darkness is not something to be feared or shamed. It is a source of power and wisdom, a gift that allows us to explore our inner world and connect with our true selves. Society has tried to suppress our darkness, to label it as madness, to lock us away or burn us at the stake for being emotional and intuitive feminine beings. But we are not mad nor are we broken. We are whole, we are beautiful, we are divine. And when the darkness comes, we do not run or hide. We embrace it, we dive into it, we learn from it. This is how we begin the next stage of our journey back home to ourselves.
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