Suddenly it seems all of the things I have shared with you have made a liar out of me.
In the weird way of life, it is still not quite my time for everything to fall into place as a series of events outside of my control have gone and put a hold on everything I have been working towards... again. And yes, I say that with a sigh.
Little did I know that once I started sharing with you all then that life would determine in that moment to throw me a curve ball. The irony is not lost on me.
It's quite hard to fathom that I have floated back out to sea. My dear universe do I really still have more to learn. It is rather exhausting treading water.
The philosopher Aristotle, in his quest to discover the true meaning of life, suggested that there were two constants in life.
The Universe is constantly changing and evolving, what is today, is never the same tomorrow and that everything happening to you today has a purpose because it turns you into the person you are becoming.
I like to find comfort in such sentiments, the mind likes to connect reason to events that unfold, especially those that challenge us. It is empowering to create meaning out of the setbacks in our life. even if sometimes there is simply no reason at all. It helps to manage the pain and provide strength to move forward, to grow through adversity.
Call it a coping mechanism, the belief that these events have purpose allow us to keep moving. and when you look back on such moments, they are often defining and full of meaning. But the truth is at the time they are hard, painful and the very last place you want to be.
So yes, hello, here I am, in this place. again... The introvert in me, seduced by solitude, wants to withdraw and hide inside myself but, apparently this blogging thing is something I feel compelled to do. Maybe I will take meaning from this, maybe this is part of my journey. Eventually I will look back on this and everything will make sense... or it won't. Either way I will be ok.
In all honesty I have no bloody idea where this blog will lead, we will just have to go along for the ride and see where we end up. Hopefully it is more of an adventure than a tale of woe. I am not someone who can sit in the dark. I am a ridiculously optimistic and apparently rather resilient woman who also feels every single thing rather deeply and trusts my gut instinct, I am still trying to figure out if this is the inherent cause of my frequent time in the abyss.
I am still on a crazy journey to discover who I really am, peeling back those layers of messy contradictions to find acceptance... peace.... I foolishly thought I had done enough but it seems I have only scratched the surface. Maybe this will become one womans adventure to come full circle on a beautiful journey back to herself.
Leave a comment